‘Uncharted’ and ‘DOG’ REVIEWS

Hey everyone! One of the happiest recent developments for me as a film critic is a return to my normal film-watching schedule. This of course means watching some good movies, some bad movies and some mediocre films. I don’t always review those films on this blog. Sometimes I cover them on my podcast both Rachel’s Reviews and Hallmarkies. In fact, you can find my reviews for Marry Me, The Book of Love and I Want You Back at Hallmarkies.
All that said, here are my quick thoughts on 2 recent releases.

If my readers could have seen my face while watching Dog they would have seen looks of bafflement and exhaustion. I’m not entirely sure what I expected in a veteran and his dog movie but it definitely wasn’t this.
As I was watching I asked the question- who was this made for? Aren’t most people going to a see a movie like this expecting a sweet and sentimental story that will make them cry? Instead we get a bizarre movie that has sexual innuendo, drug use, impersonating a blind man, racial profiling and more. The humor is broad and over-the-top, which was so off-putting when combined with the more emotional moments.
The dog Lulu is cute (I guess played by 2 dogs) and the ending is effective but most of the road trip was very badly done. Channing Tatum tries his best but he can’t save Dog from its bizarre, muddled, and tone deaf script.
2 out of 10
Frown Worthy

It will be no big surprise to my readers I have never played any of the Uncharted games. Nevertheless, I heard from many friends of its potential for a movie adaptation. From what I’ve gathered it’s similar to Tomb Raider but even more cinematic in its approach.
Now after much delay we have the movie version with Tom Holland and Mark Wahlberg and it is…thoroughly average. It’s not an awful adventure film but it’s nothing special either. I’d put it below the recent Tomb Raider movie and that was just ok.
The main problem I had with Uncharted is everything is too easy for our protagonists. For example, in a long treasure hunting sequence under a city they stumble upon each clue quite easily. They always have the key, that key always works, and in one case the lock is hidden in plain daylight inside a Papa Johns!
There’s another instance where a cave loaded with treasure is clearly visible for all to see off of the coast of a Filipino island. We are supposed to believe nobody has been in that cave for 100s of years. In these kind of adventures you want the quest to at least be challenging to our heroes.
Most of the casting in Uncharted is also wasted. Wahlberg and Holland are fine but Antonio Banderas, Sophia Ali and Tati Gabrielle are all under-written. The special effects are fine but there is some green screen work that takes us out of the big action scenes.
I don’t want to be too critical because there is fun to be had in this movie. It’s just all something you can find in a million other films, which is disappointing. I’d say stay home and watch one of those or go see the latest Spider-man movie again. You can wait to see this latest video game adaptation on your console at home when it goes to streaming.
4 out of 10
Frown Worthy

[REVIEW] ‘Mortal Kombat’: Is Effective Action Enough?

Faithful readers on this site know I am not a video gamer in any way. It’s not that I’m against them but I have a lazy eye (strabismus) making anything with hand eye coordination very difficult. My brother Sam loves video games but I never got into them outside of maybe tetris!

This makes reviewing movies like the new Mortal Kombat a little difficult. I know nothing about the game and when I say nothing I mean nothing.

The only thing I know about the franchise is from watching the 2 previous films with my friend Patrick this month for 2 reviews.

What I can say is this new film is definitely better than Mortal Kombat Annihilation but that’s not saying much. Is it better than the first one? That’s a tough question. Paul W.S. Anderson is a pretty bad director, but he had more fun with his version than this new version.

Lately it seems like the answer to modernizing franchises is to make them dark and gritty. This can be done well but often you lose the humanity and the stories become drab and dull in their self-seriousness.

In this new Mortal Kombat the action has energy and is well done but is that enough for a movie? Are we supposed to ignore characters, story, dialogue, acting because the action is good? Maybe some can but I struggled. I particularly disliked the character Kano played by Josh Lawson. He is an incredibly annoying character that shouts and swears a lot and I couldn’t stand.

Mortal Kombat (2021 Film) Review - Bloody Ripper | PowerUp!

The rest of the cast is not the strongest acting. They were obviously selected for their action prowess, which is effective. The script is clearly full of nods to the game but I wish they had crafted a better story around that action. I’m not expecting Shakespeare. I enjoyed the recent Tomb Raider which had the exciting action with a serviceable plot if you ask me.

If you only care about action than you will probably enjoy Mortal Kombat, but I want more. Maybe watch it on HBO Max? But if you want gritty over-the-top action I would watch last year’s Extraction instead. That was a lot better done and more entertaining.

The action is also extremely bloody and R Rated so take that into consideration when you decide if it is right for you.

5 out of 10

Frown Worthy

Warcraft Review

warcraft5Anyone knows me knows I am not a video game player. I have a lazy eye and so video games have always been tough for me to play and so I’ve never had any interest in them. However, I’ve seen a good movie based on a board game in Clue. I’ve seen a good movie based on an amusement park ride in the first Pirates movie. Anything can produce a story worth telling on the big screen.

I wasn’t planning on seeing Warcraft with everything going on getting ready for my trip but I ended up with a free evening so I figured- why not give it a shot? I went into the theater with an open mind hoping to at least have dumb fun and I came out baffled. I think I’m a pretty smart person but I can’t think of when I’ve been more confused over a film’s narrative in my life. I couldn’t even tell you a name of a single character.

The thing about a movie like Lord of the Rings is it seems complicated but in reality it is very simple. There is good vs evil and a powerful ring that needs to be destroyed.  That’s it. Everything else is either an obstacle or assistance to that objective.

We also build characters slowly. We start with 2- Frodo and Gandalf and then add Mary, Pippen, Sam, Aragon, Legolas etc.


The problem with Warcraft is it splits its time between 2 groups- humans and orcs. It’s never clear who is the good guy and who is bad. There are many characters within each realm and each has a backstory and motivations. Without a lead narrator to focus on like say Willow in Willow it felt impossible to remember all of this. I guess that’s where being a fan helps because you already know who all these characters are.

Then there is magic called the fel and a portal but I didn’t really understand what that magic did or how it was used. The rules of the portal were very murky.

And some scenes just didn’t make sense. Like towards the end the characters are battling and then Travis Fimmel’s Lothar is knocked down to the ground. The screen goes black and he wakes up. All the orcs are watching him and then he takes on the leader orc. Why are they all watching him? What has changed from when they were just battling with each other? I have no idea.

warcraft6There is also a pool with special fel powers that seemed to be both good and bad. Ben Foster plays Medivh who is a wizard I think but he’s no Ian McKellen. That’s for sure.  Most of the time he seems good but then he is bad and I didn’t know why he was bad.

warcraftmoviebonePaula Patton is one of the most beautiful women in the world and she looks like a bad Princess Fiona at Comicon. She is half orc-half human but her relationship with Lothar and Dominic Cooper’s character is confusing.  She’s so wooden in the part I think she will be nominated for a razzie.

warcraft4Toby Kebbell is the best part as Duratan but the movie goes away from him for long sections and I felt like he should have been more of a narrator. It was confusing why the bad orc Gul’dan didn’t just take Duratan out when he had the chance. Why did the orcs put up with Gul’dan was never clear when Duratan seemed like the natural leader? There was the fel but I didn’t get it.

warcraft3Honestly I fell asleep twice for a minute or two. I guess it looked ok but other than that I found Warcraft to be a boring mess. I’m told fans of the game love it, so that’s cool. I can only speak for myself and say it didn’t work for me.

The acting was also really poor from everyone.  Glen Close does appear and that scene made no sense to me (sensing a trend here…). But Dominic Cooper, Toby Kebbell, Paula Paton, Ben Foster, Travis Fimmel, Daniel Wu have all done good stuff but here they all felt flat and wooden.

My advice to future fantasy directors- KISS- Keep It Simple Stupid.  Fantasy that works like Star Wars or Lord of the Rings are at their core simple stories of good vs evil and a heroes journey. All the cool special effects and world building mean nothing if the story doesn’t work for this kind of movie. KISS! KISS!

Overall Grade- D