Locke and Grand Budapest Hotel

I saw 2 movies this weekend and they are very different but both very good.

lockeLocke is a film that defies description. I was telling my sister about it and she laughed and said it sounded ‘like the worst thing ever’.   Why?

Well, it’s a man in a car talking on the phone for an entire movie.  I’m serious.  There are no other actors, just voices you hear and I’m telling you it is completely riveting.

locke1It’s so hard to talk about this movie without giving spoilers away but basically Tom Hardy is on a drive to do something he know he needs to do but wishes he didn’t have to.  Then as the car ride goes it becomes the worst day of his life.  Home, family, work, are complete chaos but he is a man who has a plan and knows he can make it all right, but as the story goes you and him start to become less secure that even he can salvage any of it.

It’s so tense and the music and lighting build until you worry he is going to drive off the freeway or have some kind of panic attack.  Then just when it seems he is losing control a conversation will happen that gives him a breath of hope and we start the cycle of anxiety all over again.  It was a thriller but about a person’s life falling apart and isn’t that kind of the scariest thing of all?

There are also moments where a character brings up a soccer game and after all he has been through it feels so stupid.  It kind of puts a lot of things we think are important in perspective.  It’s just pretty brilliant.

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I’m telling you give it a shot.  The photography by director Steven Knight and cinematographer Haris Zambarloukos alone has to be appreciated.  The lights and reflections off the windows add to the tension.

In a way it feels like someone in a hostage negotiation but the hostage is his life and happiness.

Steven Knight also wrote Locke and they made it for 2 million dollars.  It just goes to show with good writing and storytelling anything can be good, even a man driving for 84 minutes.

I was blown away.

It does have a lot f bombs so definitely adults only.

Content Grade- F, Overall Grade- A

GRAND BUDAPEST HOTEL

grand_budapest_hotelIt is no secret I am not the biggest Wes Anderson fan. Like Tim Burton, he can be more style over substance, but I don’t think any of his movies are terrible. Just not a fangirl. (I am Mormon which means I am so not a hipster…)

Anyway, the Grand Budapest Hotel is probably Anderson’s most approachable film even though I still didn’t love it but I enjoyed it.  The reason I liked this better than previous works (I haven’t seen all of them) is it is a story being told as opposed to something grounded in ‘real life’ like his other films.  It makes more sense to have his quirky style in a work in a fictional world to me.

It’s a little confusing because there are layers of storytellers.  Tom Wilkinson is an author telling the story to a little girl that he heard told to him by the GBH owner played by F Murray Abraham. So you have details from the girl, Wilkinson, Abraham and the actors.  This makes it seem like even more of a fairytale.  It is also set in a fictional town of Zubrowka (again more fairytale like).

It’s kind of a convoluted plot but basically it is about a concierge of the hotel named Gustave played by Ralph Fiennes and his devoted lobby boy played by Tony Revolori.

The-Grand-Budapest-Hotel-5Gustave is dedicated to the hotel and to giving great service with rewards from the elderly female patrons on the side.  One of the patrons played by Tilda Swinton gives him a valuable painting on her death. Her family is furious and so feeling it is his right he steals the painting and flees.

What follows is a cat and mouse chase with a lot of humor and whimsey.  We get a ton of actors involved in the chase including Adrien Brody, William Dafoe, Mathieu Amalric, Jude Law, Bill Murray, Jason Schwartzman, Bob Balaban and Owen Wilson.

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It does get a little tiresome after a while but it isn’t that long of a movie so I was ok with the story and the Anderson cuteness. Like I said, it fit this particular tale better than some of his others and was generally nicer too. Some of his more popular movies I have a hard time bonding with because the characters come across as kind of mean and unlikable. (see I am so not a hipster).

But this I liked.  It isn’t my favorite movie by a long shot but I enjoyed the style, story was fun and performances all very good.

It does have nudity that is quick and easy to miss but strong and a fair amount of profanity so I would say adults or mature teens only.

gbhotelI would love to see Wes Anderson try his eclectic style in a different genre.  Like what could he do with a comic book movie or a musical?  I guess he kind of did that with Fantastic Mr Fox, which is my favorite Anderson film, despite it being more for adults than kids in pacing and tone.

Content Grade- D, Overall Grade- B

Any of you seen either of these?  What did you think? What a great year 2014 was for movies! I can’t think of another better in nearly every genre (don’t start a debate on that topic bc it really doesn’t matter what year is best.  I just really liked this one!).

Please put in your comments what you thought of either film? I’d love to hear.  Both are seemingly different but have a certain challenge to conventional storytelling which I really dug. Fun times at the movies!

Begin Again: A Review

begin againI finally got a chance to see Begin Again tonight, the musical dramedy written and directed by John Carney creator of indy smash Once.  With  the current dearth of romantic comedies I was looking forward to this movie and while it is not terrible I was disappointed.

Trailer:

Cast:

Keira Knightley as Gretta James, a songwriter

Mark Ruffalo as Dan Mulligan, a music producer

Adam Levine as Dave Kohl, Gretta’s ex-boyfriend and a successful musician

Catherine Keener as Miriam Hart, Dan’s estranged wife

Hailee Steinfeld as Violet Mulligan, Dan and Miriam’s daughter

James Corden as Steve, Gretta’s best friend

CeeLo Green as Troublegum, a successful rapper who was discovered by Dan

Mos Def as Saul, Dan’s long-time business partner

 

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Spoiler Alert! I will discuss some details of the movie.

Begin Again has a lot in common with Once.  Both movies are about new artists, one male, one female, that are idealistic and pure believers in music and them creating their first album.

But there are some big key differences.

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First, I’m sorry but the songs in Once are just better.  I did not believe any of the songs in Begin Again were legitimate hits where Once had several including the actual hit Falling Softly (and Oscar winner for Best Original Song) .

The songs in Once were so good they could be used to make a Tony winning broadway musical.  You couldn’t do that with the Begin Again songs, and since the whole point of the movie is that Kiera Knightly’s songs are somehow so brilliant it doesn’t feel genuine.

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Second, the singing isn’t as good.  Mark Ruffalo doesn’t actually sing like Glen Hansard does in Once and Kiera Knightly is not nearly as good a singer as Marketa Irglova.  All of the songs are written with a small range and she still doesn’t sound very good.  Certainly nothing that would make a record executive stop in a drunken stupor and drop all and work with this ‘amazing’ talent.

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In Once the performances are grounded in a type of reality, playing in music stores, homes etc

Third, in Once the ‘Guy’ and ‘Girl’ are so likable despite not having names.  In both movies they are in love with music and not really each other but it comes off so much more of a real and meaningful relationship in Once.

Part of the problem is that Ruffalo is such a mess that I didn’t like him or find him charming.  In fact, there was a side of me that was nervous for Knightley’s character that he might take advantage of her (borderline creepy persona).  Knightly was bland, niave and kind of preachy about people who actually want to make a career out of music (the shame!). I found her to be a little insufferable.

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In Once ‘Girl’ has a child which gives her warmth and keeps you rooting for her.  In Begin Again Ruffalo is estranged from his daughter played quite well by Hailee Steinfeld.  When we first meet him he picks his daughter up clearly inebriated.    This makes me instantly dislike him, where in Once I love the characters who are trying so hard for the chance to record.  Ruffalo is an executive who has blown his chance and is fired.  It’s not as motivating a character arc and we don’t see as much growth.

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Fourth, in Once they are shown practicing so they are ready for the big recording session.  They practice outside, in apartments, piano stores etc.  In Begin Again the conceit is that they are going to screw the traditional recording studio and record an album in New York live.

It is an absolutely laughable idea that a releasable album could be filmed in and around the city of New York in one or two takes and with all back up willing to work for free! We officially cross the line into a fairytale with scenes of recording in the Subway and officers ‘catching’ them mid song and them running away.  You can actually get permits to play in the New York Subway but the idea that a band of that size could get all the amps and everything set up and then record a track and then the cops come? Give me a break!

Maybe it isn’t fair to compare it to its younger, fairer cousin but when you have the same director, writer and a nearly identical premise it’s tough not too.  Begin Again is just not as good.  It feels like a lame sequel where they just kind of spew out a weaker version of the original. It’s not offensively awful and people are trying but why settle for sloppy seconds when you can easily enjoy the real deal first course?

The only part that surprised me about Begin Again is Adam Levine as Knightley’s rock star boyfriend isn’t half bad.  In the world of musicians turned actors he is pretty engaging on screen. Granted he is playing a rock star which isn’t much a stretch but certainly other stars haven’t been able to pull off similar feats as well. He has the one good song at the end of the movie (big surprise there!).

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I just wanted a feel good romance and so was hoping at least the characters would be engaging but I didn’t get into it.  The premise was too silly, characters patronizing or unlikable and the songs (a big part of the movie) weren’t very good.  Overall let down…

There is a lot of swearing in the movie but not much else that is offensive.  Not quite as much swearing as in Once (although much of that was in Irish accent which was hard to understand). But I would say Begin Again is adult only because of language.

Clean Content Score- D, Overall Grade- C, not terrible but extremely average.

Watchmojo Best of Animated Series

I don’t know how familiar most of you are with youtube but the channel which will make a top 10 of everything (they literally have a top 10 evil despot list…,) watchmojo, has recently come out with a series on the top animated films by decade.  I will share some of my thoughts of their lists and what I would change.

For starters, I wouldn’t factor in success or how it changed the genre.  For my lists it would just be my favorites but I am sure for their channel they need more criteria.  It just seems like there are too many things that are popular or groundbreaking without necessarily being good.

1920-1970-

I understand having to go off of the decade idea but why not do a golden age list, xerox list, ect?  You could do 1920-1950, 1950-1979.  Even that would be better than 1920-1970 but whatever that was their choice. For the most part its hard to argue with the quality of films on this list; although, I kind of feel like Charlotte’s Web made the cut because they needed a non-Disney.  I love Charlotte’s Web.  I included it on my Top 11 Forgotten Animated Films. But in the first 50 years of animated films it wouldn’t make my top 10.

I also would definitely not include Peter Pan, which disappointed me probably the most on rewatch.  Pinocchio and Bambi are artistic masterpieces but just not top 10 favorites for me, but I don’t mind them being on the list and I like them.  I personally would add Jungle Book and Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh (not even an HM?) in place of Charlotte’s Web and Peter Pan, but there isn’t a ‘bad’ movie on their list (too much to pick from over 50 years!)

#10: “Sleeping Beauty” (1959)-

#9: “Peter Pan” (1953)

#8: “One Hundred and One Dalmatians” (1961)

#7: “Charlotte’s Web” (1973)

#6: “Alice in Wonderland” (1951)

#5: “Fantasia” (1940)

#4: “Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs” (1937)

#3: “Bambi” (1942)

#2: “Cinderella” (1950)

Before we unveil our top pick, here are a few honorable mentions.
– “Lady and the Tramp” (1955)
– “Dumbo” (1941)
– “The Sword in the Stone” (1963)
– “The Jungle Book” (1967)
– “Robin Hood” (1973)

#1: “Pinocchio” (1940)

1980-1989

Someone took a long drink from the anime train in creating this list.  I can’t disagree with any of the Studio Ghibli picks and I have not seen Grave of the Fireflies or Akira but they are on my list to see.  Fox and the Hound is so corny I struggle including it; although, it certainly is better than other 80’s Disney offerings like Black Cauldron (which I don’t hate but has big flaws) and Oliver and Company.

I personally would take out Fox and the Hound (and certainly never put it 3rd!) and put Transformers on the list (it’s really good! Blows the Michael Bay monstrosities out the window).   I would also pick Secret of Nimh over An American Tail even though I like Tail, Nimh is sooo great with such a dynamic central female character and mother.  You certainly will have no quibble with me on their #1 pick! Little Mermaid is my favorite movie of the 80s period animated or live action.

#10: “The Land Before Time” (1988)

#9: “An American Tail” (1986)

#8: “Grave of the Fireflies” (1988)

#7: “Castle in the Sky” (1986)

#6: “Akira” (1988)

#5: “Kiki’s Delivery Service” (1989)

#4: “The Great Mouse Detective” (1986)

#3: “The Fox and the Hound” (1981)

#2: “My Neighbor Totoro” (1988)

Before we unveil our top pick, here are a few honorable mentions.
– “The Transformers: The Movie” (1986)
– “The Secret of NIMH” (1982)
– “Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind” (1984)

#1: “The Little Mermaid” (1989)

1990-1999-

This is a really solid list with few quibbles from me.  I have not seen Ghost in the Shell but will add it to the list of anime I need to see.  The only other strange addition is James and the Giant Peach because on their 80’s video they said no live action/animated hybrids and so Who Framed Roger Rabbit was out.  James and the Giant Peach has an extended section that is live action (not just a few minutes like Lego Movie).  What’s up watchmojo?

I love Prince of Egypt so that would probably sub out for James but other than that no issue with this list.  Solid picks.  (The order I could squabble with but I’ll give them that). I loved Rescuers Down Under more than the average bloke so if it was solely on my preferences might have put that in and I really do like Tarzan but tough to argue with their choices

#10: “Ghost in the Shell” (1995)

#9: “Mulan” (1998)

#8: “The Nightmare Before Christmas” (1993)

#7: “James and the Giant Peach” (1996)

#6: “The Iron Giant” (1999)

#5: “Beauty and the Beast” (1991)

#4: “Princess Mononoke” (1997)

#3: “Aladdin” (1992)

#2: “The Lion King” (1994)

Before we unveil our top pick, here are a few honorable mentions.
– “Antz” (1998)
– “The Prince of Egypt” (1998)
– “Tarzan” (1999)
– “The Hunchback of Notre Dame” (1996)
– “Pocahontas” (1995)

#1: “Toy Story” (1995)

2000-2009

This is another solid list with a lot of predictable choices.  If I was just going off my personal preferences Shrek would definitely not make the list as I find those movies grating and obnoxious.  I am also not the biggest Wes Anderson fan and his style in a children’s film with Fantastic Mr Fox wasn’t a huge fan of although the film looks great.  I would have added The Triplets of Belleville, which is an animated french movie which blew me away.  Corpse Bride absolutely belongs on the list and Howl’s Moving Castle. Both I think are much better than Monsters Inc even though I like MI).

I also love Emperor’s New Groove and Atlantis: The Lost Empire more than the average person, but I can see why they wouldn’t have made the list.  Waltz with Bashir if a stunning adult animated film that I love and I think Chicken Run is better than the Wallace and Gromit; although I like WandG.  That said, it is a solid list and I can see it totally being a popular opinion.  For the record, Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs wouldn’t get an HM from me!  I have also found Lilo & Stitch to grow on me (own it on blu-ray now) even though I still hate Stitch’s design and personality. What I like I love!

Up is my favorite movie period, not just animated movie so no issue with me with that at #1 and Spirited Away, Finding Nemo, Incredibles, Rataouille, and Wall-e are masterpieces.

#10: “Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit” (2005)

#9: “Ratatouille” (2007)

#8: “Fantastic Mr. Fox” (2009)

#7: “Monsters, Inc.” (2001)

#6: “The Incredibles” (2004)

#5: “Shrek” (2001)

#4: “Spirited Away” (2001)

#3: “WALL-E” (2008)

#2: “Finding Nemo” (2003)

Before we unveil our top pick, here are a few honorable mentions.
– “Kung Fu Panda” (2008)
– “Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs” (2009)
– “Lilo & Stitch” (2002)
– “The Emperor’s New Groove” (2000)
– “Chicken Run” (2000)

#1: “Up” (2009)

2010-present

Another solid and probably very popular list (although Frozen haters will be up in arms.  Go Frozen!). I am not a big fan of Wreck-it Ralph although I see why others like it and don’t dislike it just not as in love with it as others. It wouldn’t make my personal list.  I have also not seen Rango as  most of my friends hated it (not sure why but they did so I never saw it).  Glad to see Ernest and Celestine mentioned as that is such a lovely film (although Secret of Kells is great too).

I guess they were only going with children’s movies for these lists because Persepolis would have been cool to see.  I also loved Big Hero 6 and would put that in the Despicable Me spot (not that big a fan of those movies but I like the Minions!).   I also recently rewatched Paranorman and liked it even better on rewatch.  That would have gotten my Wreck-it Ralph spot.   But still a solid list.  It is kind of strange they go 50 years in first year and only 5 in final list (bad planning watchmojo?).  Definitely no arguments from me on their #1 movie.  Toy Story 3 made me cry my eyes out and it was tense, exciting, scary, and gorgeous- a practically perfect animated film.

#10: “Adventures of Tintin ”

#9: “Wreck-it Ralph”

#8: “Rango”

#7: “Tangled

#6: “Despicable Me”

#5: “Frozen”

#4: “Lego Movie”

#3: “Ernest and Celestine”

#2: “How to Train Your Dragon”

Before we unveil our top pick, here are a few honorable mentions.
– Wind Rises

– Monsters University

– Bolt

– Megamind

– Frankenweenie

– Secret  World of Ariety

#1: “Toy Story 3”

So what do you think of Watchmojo’s list and my comments?  Where are they way off?  Where am I way off?  What do you agree with? As I well know nothing invites debate like the making of lists, so comment away.  Thanks!

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2014 Review

tmnt posterI know you have all been on pins and needles waiting for me to review the latest Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie.  Well, I avoided it for a long time but there’s nothing on TV this week and it was a huge hit in 2014 (I try to see the big hits and I always go to every movie with an open mind, even Michael Bay movies) so I decided to watch it.

Let me start out by saying thank goodness for Marvel and Christopher Nolan because at least boys have something to hold onto and root for.  Without their strong movies all their beloved franchises have been destroyed one by one.  First Star Wars, then they had to suffer Batman and Robin, Daredevil, Spiderman 3, XMen 3, and Transformers.  Believe it or not all these franchises were actually good in the 80’s but many modern adaptations have been dreadful.

The Ninja Turtles is a particularly nostalgic brand for many men (and some girls) my age as we grew up on the cartoon, which was fun, silly and engaging.  Then we had the Jim Henson’s movies which the first two are also a lot of fun.  People love this series.  It’s important to them.

Now producer Michael Bay and Jonathan Liebesman directing have their hands on it and boy does it suffer.

I will say that this is more tolerable than the Transformers movies as it is only 1 hour and 41 minutes where Transformers is nearly 3 (KMN) but it has so many problems.  Turtle fans deserve better.

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There will be some spoilers in this review so if you want to see it first go for it!

Trailer-

Cast:

Megan Fox as April O’Neil
Malina Weissman as young April O’Neil
Will Arnett as Vern Fenwick
William Fichtner as Eric Sacks
Alan Ritchson as Raphael (motion-capture performer and voice)
Noel Fisher as Michelangelo (motion-capture performer and voice)
Pete Ploszek as Leonardo (motion-capture performer)
Johnny Knoxville as Leonardo (voice)
Jeremy Howard as Donatello (motion-capture performer and voice)
Danny Woodburn as Splinter (motion-capture performer)
Tony Shalhoub as Splinter (voice)
Tohoru Masamune as Shredder
Whoopi Goldberg as Bernadette Thompson

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TMNT starts out with a graphic that feels like a strobe light leading you down to the sewer.  It is a good introduction for a movie that feels extremely schizophrenic. It is edited very poorly and often I was caught in an action scene and left wondering how did we get here and who the heck are they fighting?  There are scenes where characters will just stop fighting and the room will literally freeze so a pun or one liner can be uttered by usually Michelangelo (although sometimes it’s a nerdy comment by Donatello or a grumpy comment by Rafael- these really are the 7 Dwarves of comic books).

For example, there is a long fight scene on a mountain with a semi-truck and 3 hummer-like cars.  I had no idea who they were fighting or how they got out of New York to a place with snow.   It’s especially strange because the main villainous plot has just been laid out by William Fichtner’s character who oddly enough is not Shredder but some sub-villain, and Master Splinter has been taken hostage.  Splinter is then forgotten about for about an hour of the movie as we battle someone in the snow?

But I’m getting ahead of myself.  Let’s talk first about the look of the movie.  The turtles are motion capture animation and they look like a roids fest at a WWF fight. They in no way look like teenagers or talk like teenagers.  And I thought they looked more like ducks than Turtles (and who knew that turtle shells front and back are bulletproof?). I guess going with a tougher, grittier version of turtles is creative but did they have to make them look so unpleasant?

TMNT_2014_Wallpaper_HDApril O’Neil is played as probably the most unrealistic reporter in movies by the great thespian Megan Fox.  In this case it turns out she has a very close connection with the turtles which she figures out in an insanely short period of time.  I mean if I had lost turtles and was saved from the ‘foot clan’ (as the generic bad guy soldiers are known) the first thing I’d think of is my turtles had been mutated into ninja warriors.  Of course!

fox lightingAll the lighting in this movie feels extremely yellow, like a fluorescent light bulb.  Her lipstick looked ultra pink in many shots and I almost wondered if my TV settings had been changed. There were scenes when it seemed like she had rosacia or was wearing too much blush.  All the human characters looked strange.  I guess at least most of the movie she is properly clothed unlike the women of Transformers.

yellow light Shredder who is such a bad, menacing villain in the show, comes and goes.  And then William Fichtner also  comes and goes.  They are never together but one brief shot in a tunnel that looks cropped together, and yet they are planning this massive scheme for money.  What it screams of is when they first announced Fichtner as Shredder people were upset because he is supposed to be Japanese.  There was a big fan backlash.  My guess is they shot new scenes with a new Shredder and changed things around so Fichtner was this bland scientist William Sachs.  I could be wrong but that’s what it feels like.  It does not seem like these characters are working together.

So here’s the scheme. Tell me if you don’t think of a million other movies and shows that have had a similar mad scientist story-

So Fichtner and Shredder have developed a ‘toxin’ that they want to release out of a building in NYC.  This will render everyone catatonic and then they plan on blackmailing the American government to purchase at high cost ‘the antidote’.  Ah yes, there always seems to be an antidote to all these toxins… I bet you will never guess where they need to get the antidote from- well if you guessed the ‘mutagen’ in the blood of the turtles you would be right.

Doesn’t that scream of 1960’s batman scheme?  It’s right up there with Mr Freeze planning on Freezing all of Gotham if he doesn’t get the diamonds.  They couldn’t rob a bank or extort a millionaire?  This was really the best way to get money for these evil-doers?  It reminded me of in Toy Story when Woodie’s voice box says ‘somebody’s poisoned the water hole’ all the toxin talk would be hokey in a bad Western in 1950’s.

But even an ultra silly plot can be entertaining if it is handled with the right spirit but it isn’t.  What happens with this movie is we get long stretches of fighting (again with and against people we don’t know and often in environments and for purposes we don’t understand).  For about the first 1/3rd of the movie the Turtles are just fighting footmen and we don’t know why?  How do they know about the footmen?  Are they fighting them because they are ‘bad guys’ or is there some other moral reason they dislike them (for example, we know clearly why the Joker hates Batman.  No such illumination here).

TMNT-ShredderWhen we do see Shredder he is such a CGI bore.  He looks like Predator with blades and of course he is a bore because he’s had no dialogue.  All of the evil dialogue has been from Fichtner and yet the Turtles never really fight Fichtner but fight Shredder (again another sign they made the switch late).

The movie also will have a fight, and then a comedic moment, and then more fighting which just screams Michael Bay’ s influence.

Take a look at this scene in the elevator.  They have just been released from having their blood drawn and almost dying. They are about to go up to the roof to face their biggest foe but we get a beat boxing routine followed by a big fight.  Give me a break!

As I said we don’t get to know the Turtles beyond their basic characteristics and the voicework is uniformly awful.   I particularly hated Johnny Knoville as Leonardo.  Tony Shalhoub is Ok as Splinter but he’s in the movie for very little and he looks awful.

tmnt splinterWhoopi Goldberg’s part must have been cut because she’s in about 2 scenes as April’s overbearing cliche of a boss.  I mean she’s an Oscar winning actress so to be in about 3 minutes of the movie is strange.

Will Arnett is also wasted as Vern Fenwick who is April’s pal at work.  He is literally the driver for most the movie and doesn’t even get any good sarcastic lines.  He is about a billion times funnier in the Lego Movie doing similar schtick (just shows what a difference good writing does).

april-vernon-tmnt-rebootMinae Noji plays an assassin character but even reading the Wikipidia I have no idea who she is or why she was in the movie so much.  She just kept popping up in battles.  No dialogue or character development at all.

minai

It is also really not a movie for kids.  It earns it’s PG-13, is pretty violent, showing turtles and others getting tortured and nearly dying.  And some of the dialogue is too adult like the Turtles seem to only like April because she is ‘smokin hot’.  Upon first meeting, Michelangelo says ‘she’s so hot I can feel my shell tightening’.  I don’ t think such innuendo is appropriate for children.

And the movie is too stupid to appeal to adults and the turtles look so awful that it won’t appeal to nostalgic males.  So who this appeals to and why it made so much money is beyond me?

Especially when you had Edge of Tomorrow in the theaters with the same video game feel but a good script and action that felt palatable and real, characters you cared about.  Why anyone saw this over that quality movie I will never know.   Someone out there explain it to me please?

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Worst of all it isn’t even fun. It’s so hacked together and the plot makes no sense.  And then we end with a damsel in distress hanging from a skyscraper cliche that goes back to King Kong.  Groan.

damsel in distressWe also get the digital read-out clock on the ‘release of the toxin’s’ that has been in every action movie since 198o’s (although they do make a joke about it being 15 year old technology but still doesn’t get a pass from me!).

countdownAnd then we get an ending with the Turtles goofing off and destroying Will Arnett’s car for laughs.  It shows what Michael Bay’s idea of fun is.  Let’s just destroy things and all have a good laugh.  When they are on the rooftop there are shots where crowds of people are outside with debris flying down from the tower.  Why would people be outside?  It reminded me of Amazing Spiderman 2 where there seem to be crowds cheering on everything Spiderman did.

With those crowds the ending seems especially ridiculous where April agrees to keep the Turtles existence a secret despite her top notch reporting ethics.  Groan.  There’s no security cameras in the miles of havoc they have wrecked in fight after fight from mysterious New York mountains to downtown Manhattan?  Nobody has a cell phone or a news camera to catch 4 mutant turtles fighting a giant man in a steel suit?  That’s the kind of idiocy this movie expects people to accept.

And again I wouldn’t care if the movie was fun.  I don’t care that Goonies is ridiculous because it is fun and I like the kids.  Here I didn’t like anyone.  I found them repulsive to look at, their humor juvenile and the fight scenes unending.

Don’t waste your time.  Watch the TV series or the old movie from the 90s.  That will make you smile and you’ll enjoy yourself.  This is just junk.  Again, it is better than Transformers because at least it is under 2 hours but why America?  Why?

teenage-mutant-ninja-turtles-gets-a-sequelGet ready because the sequel is coming…

Overall Score- D